My ‘Unplanned’ Life

I saw the movie “Unplanned” recently.  Although, it has taken me time to process, I feel compelled to say something about this film.  First let me say,  it is hard to describe a movie like this as good,but it was absolutely well-made.  It was thought-provoking, eye-opening, heartbreaking, and motivating.  Given these initial thoughts, let me tell you a quick story….

My life began as an unplanned pregnancy.  My mother was young, single, in the military, and far from home.  In the early 80’s, single-unwed mothers were not well thought of, at least not in the small town that she came from.  I expect that mixed-race babies of unwed mothers were even more scandalous at the time. Afraid, alone, and pregnant…my mom found herself in an abortion clinic…wanting to be a mom, but afraid to walk the road ahead.  At the time, I imagine she felt an abortion would be her best solution.  She was unprepared to raise a baby in this manner and unsure of what support; if any, she would have waiting for her.  In her words, my mom went to the clinic that day, and requested an abortion.  When she was told no; she was too far along, she argued with the doctor for the “procedure” to be done. She was refused.  In the end…she walked out of the clinic, and the rest was history.  Except it wasn’t history. The rest was her future, and mine.

Obviously, she did have me; as a young single mom.  She went home, and found the support she was afraid would not be waiting for her.  Times were not always easy…but we made it.  She married a few years later, and I was adopted by the most amazing man.  A few years after that, I got to be a big sister.  I had many great friends and loving family members.  I got to play sports growing up, my greatest passion at the time.  I took piano lessons. I went on mission trips. I went to college with a partial athletic scholarship and studied psychology and biology. I got my Master’s degree and worked as a mentor and case manager for troubled-kids. Soon after, I began working in public education.  I got married.  I had my own precious babies…the joy of my life.  I lost a couple of babies to miscarriage; and have questioned often over the years…“How old would they be right now?” “What would their personality be like?”  “Who would they become?” 

The point is…I get to live.  I get to experience life.  I get to follow my dreams.  I get to make plans and watch my own family grow.

When I watched Unplanned, the thought that kept going through my mind was, “Why”?  Why did I get to live?  Why was I able to leave that abortion clinic still growing and thriving…with a lifetime of experiences ahead of me? Why was I not a part of the roughly 1.5 million abortions that were reported the year I was born?  There is a scene in the movie…sorry to be graphic…when a blue barrel of aborted babies is wheeled out to a garbage truck (2, actually).  In that moment, I almost felt guilty for not a having a similar outcome.  I am not special.  I am not unique.  There is nothing about me that would indicate that I am more deserving of life than anyone else.  So, why me?   

I don’t have an answer to those questions.  But here are some things I do know…my life was not spared so that I could sit in silence.  My life was not spared so that I could care nothing of the fact that 60 million+ babies have been aborted since 1973.  My life was not spared so that I could let the lie continue that, unplanned pregnancies are destined for heartbreaking outcomes.  I don’t believe that my mom has ever regretted walking out of the clinic that day, with me still growing inside of her. I don’t think she has ever regretted not having to ask the questions: “How old would she be right now?”, “What would her personality be like?”, “Who would she become?” I know that I have NEVER been made to feel like a regret.

Experiencing the movie Unplanned has impacted my life, in a way that I cannot describe to you.  It has confirmed my heart of love and compassion for women who have had abortions, or find themselves in an abortion clinic; fearful, pressured, uncertain, and hopeless. It has strengthen my resolve to be a voice for the voiceless; which now span several generations. It has strengthened my desire for anyone who reads this to know that; if you find yourself in these circumstances at this very moment, this is not the end of your story. You are not destined to be a statistic and neither is your baby. There are other options. There is hope.  There is redemption.  Believe it or not right now…there are many happy memories to come.